Internet dating idiots

"But you've chosen a photo of a long-haired girl." "You've forgotten," I said, "that I'm only doing this to be allowed in.

You set up a profile, pick some cute photos, write something witty about the things that you love (Beyonce, Hillary Clinton, Battlestar Galactica), list some books you like, and then sit back, kick your feet up, and wait for the messages to roll in.

It is absolutely vital that you list which ring—one of the three to the Elves, one of the seven to the Dwarves, one of the nine to the Men, or the One Ring to Rule Them All—you possess. All we need is confirmation of your identity in the form of your name, address, and social security number.

Making the other person ask is just Yes, you looked very cute during your months on the International Space Station, and yes, it's so cool that you've experienced zero gravity and can speak fluent Russian.

(Note from Victoria: This will only be useful if you're hoping to attract a 40-year-old married woman. I've barely met a single man in five years who hasn't. Show the readers what Well, I didn't need to be asked twice.

If I'm not your dream date, you'll have to ask someone else...). I'm rather wistful that cyber-courting didn't jump the shark into "normal" until after I'd met my husband, so I never got the chance to try it. I like the way it has transformed Britain into a dating culture, like America, where girls can go out with dozens of guys just for the fun of it - no expectations, no promises, just getting to know new people and seeing what happens. Within minutes, I was setting myself up with a profile on a range of dating sites; you need a profile to be allowed in to look at the men. The website doesn't ask for all my personal information before I'm allowed to drool over pictures of minidresses.)I chose a random photo of a girl from the internet and started ticking the description boxes offered by the site.

But there is a certain sub-section of users of that site that you should avoid at all costs.

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