Knowing that I was moving back to a small town after years of living in cities, I looked at my therapist and said: "I can't date someone who has children. And while I was in love with both the man and the kid, I was totally lost. There is nothing wrong with single or divorced parents. But my friends back home in the small town I was moving back to? He had a son with his ex-girlfriend, who I also remember from my past.
I was in a relationship with a man who had a 10-year-old son. I was 29 years old, and the majority of my friends in Chicago were childless or childfree, whichever term you prefer. I knew that by moving back here, I was inviting many children into my day-to-day life -- and probably my love life, too. Despite all of my fears, I reconnected with this man from my youth.
How can you combat your feelings of insecurity and work through this challenging time?
If you’re involved with someone who’s going through a divorce (or will be), you need to be ready for the roller coaster ride.
So here is my advice about dating people with kids.
Take from it what you will: Wait Even though my boyfriend was eager to introduce me to his kiddo early on, we waited a long time before it actually happened.
Sometimes they just need to grow and mature and figure things out so they can learn how to make things right, you know? Whether you dumped him or he dumped you, it can be hard to convince that person to give you another chance.
Sometimes two people need to be apart for a little bit in order to figure out how to make their relationship work.
Anthony – someone I have not evaluated myself – sounds like a woman who was desperately in denial. Read more In 2015, I joined many others in reading Ada Calhoun’s Modern Love piece: “The Wedding Toast I’ll Never Give.” It was about the challenges and difficulties in marriage, but it was also about why marriage was worthwhile. At the same time, it means something -- something negative -- if a man or woman has consistently horrible eating habits.... But why it hangs on isn’t always apparent when read by traditional medical eyes.
Read more There’s a dating adage out there that you should judge a man by how he treats his mother. As a psychiatrist in Los Angeles and in my workshops I’ve been struck by how many sensitive, empathic people who I call “emotional...
I scoured the Internet for advice about dating people with kids. I got the same advice from multiple people: "Be yourself." OK, what next? We were on and off, and it wasn't the healthiest relationship I've ever been in.
The only books I could find were about step-parenting. Considering the divorce rate in this country, I thought finding the advice would be easy. *crickets* My relationship with this man continued for... But I did learn a LOT about the kiddos and how to deal with them.
It turns out there is very little literature on how to date someone who has children. After running into him over a period of months, we began dating.